Why Do I Feel Anxious When My Kids Go Back to School?
TL;DR
Back to school season isn't just hard on kids. It activates parents' nervous systems too, often showing up as irritability, dread, or racing thoughts as routines, schedules, and demands shift all at once. This reaction is common and valid, and it can get tangled up with old school-related memories or a tendency to overfunction for your kids. Therapy (including EMDR, IFS, and trauma-informed approaches) can help you regulate your nervous system, set realistic expectations, and move through this seasonal stress with more steadiness.
If the sight of school supply displays makes your chest tighten before your kids have even packed a single backpack - you are not imagining things. And you are definitely NOT alone. So many of the high-achieving, deeply devoted parents I work with describe this same strange phenomenon every August: a wave of dread, restlessness, or low-grade panic that seems to come out of nowhere.
Back to school anxiety isn't reserved for the kids standing at the bus stop. It shows up in the adults, too and it's time we talked about that.
Why Back to School Season Hits Adults Too
Your nervous system doesn't distinguish between "big" transitions and "small" ones; it just registers change. And back to school season is packed with it: new schedules, new teachers, new social dynamics, new logistics to manage, and the abrupt end of the slower, looser rhythm of summer. For parents and caregivers, this shift often means a return to early mornings, tighter windows for everything, and a mental load that multiplies overnight.
This is seasonal stress in its purest form: a predictable, recurring spike tied to a calendar shift rather than one big event. Your body responds to that unpredictability and demand the same way it responds to any perceived threat: it activates. Cue the racing thoughts, the shallow breathing, the sense that you're bracing for something before it's even happened.
What This Anxiety Can Look Like
Parent anxiety around back to school season doesn't always look like textbook anxiety. It can look like:
A pit in your stomach every time you glance at the school calendar
Snapping at your partner or kids over something minor
Lying awake running through logistics: carpools, forms, after-school schedules
Worry that spirals into "what if my kid doesn't adjust well this year?"
A tight, anxious feeling when you think about the return of packed schedules and financial pressure (school supplies, activity fees, childcare costs)
A general sense of dread you can't quite name
If you recognize yourself in even one of these, that's your nervous system doing exactly what nervous systems do under sustained pressure. It’s not a sign that something is wrong with you.
Back to school mornings can bring more than logistics. The rush, the routines, the small hands you're still helping tie together - they can bring real anxiety for parents too, even when everything looks calm on the outside.
How Old Patterns Can Resurface This Time of Year
For many parents, back to school season doesn't just activate present-day stress - it reopens the past. If school was a hard place for you (socially, academically, or otherwise), watching your child step into that world can unconsciously stir up your own old memories and emotions, even years or decades later.
Layered on top of that is a pattern many high-achieving parents know well: overfunctioning. Anticipating every need, managing every detail, trying to make the transition seamless for everyone else while quietly running on empty yourself. This tendency to over-give and under-rest is often rooted in deeper patterns. Sometimes these are patterns that trauma therapy can help unpack and back to school season has a way of putting it all under a magnifying glass.
How Therapy Can Help You Move Through the Transition
This is exactly where therapy can make a real difference. Working with a therapist during seasonal transitions like this one isn't about eliminating stress entirely. Therapy is about building real nervous system regulation, so you can meet the demands of the season without it hijacking your mood, your relationships, or your sense of self.
Therapy for parents during this time of year often focuses on:
Naming and normalizing what you're feeling, instead of pushing through it
Setting realistic expectations for yourself and your family (perfection was never the goal)
Learning practical tools for nervous system regulation you can use in real time
Untangling old patterns: including overfunctioning or unresolved school-related memories - from present-day parenting
Creating sustainable rhythms that support both your kids' adjustment and your own capacity
You don't have to just "push through" every August. Anxiety support during seasonal transitions is one of the most practical, high-impact investments you can make in yourself - and in how you show up for your family.
You Don't Have to Do This Season Alone
If back to school season consistently leaves you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or not like yourself, that's worth paying attention to AND worth getting support for. Whether you're looking for the flexibility of virtual therapy from anywhere in Washington State, or prefer in-person sessions in Kirkland or near Seattle, I'm here to help you move through this transition with more steadiness and less dread.
Reach out today to schedule a consultation and start feeling more regulated, supported, and like yourself again - this season and beyond.
Does the school year countdown leave your nervous system running on high alert before it even starts?
If you're ready to feel steadier, calmer, and more like yourself this season, I'm here to help. Schedule a consultation to start feeling regulated again.
About the author
Angelica De Anda, LMHC, EMDR Certified Therapist, is a licensed therapist with over 15 years of experience supporting clients across Washington. She specializes in trauma, anxiety, burnout, and EMDR intensives. Her work focuses on supporting high-achieving women, BIPOC individuals, professionals, and therapists.
Angelica utilizes evidence-based approaches including EMDR, CBT, somatic interventions, nervous system-focused strategies, and trauma-informed care. She helps clients process painful experiences, reduce anxiety and stress, strengthen emotional regulation, and feel more grounded and connected to themselves.
At Eastside EMDR Therapy, she provides compassionate, culturally responsive care through in-person therapy in Kirkland and virtual sessions across Washington State.
